Brief Update

Ah, the power of the internet. I calculate that around 500 people are now painfully aware that Ant Smith's penis is 4 inches (or in euro speak, 10cm - double figures!).

See my earlier post: http://bit.ly/AntSmithSmallPenis

It was a painfully embarrassing revelation to make at first. After all, it's a fact I'd been hiding from for over thirty years. Certainly it has impacted my character. To be clear though, it isn't having a small dick it self that has helped shaped my personality - it is being shy and embarrassed about having a small dick that has had this effect. If it were not for the shame (yes, that is the right word) I would be a more gregarious, self confidant guy. And I would have enjoyed way more sex, since I am pretty damned pretty.

It's been just two weeks now since I wrote my 'size doesn't matter after all' poem. I've publicised it aggressively (probably too aggressively to be fair) and performed it two times. Is it the important piece I thought it was?

It's been seen, in order, by the following people
- my good wife!
- my closest friends
- the anonymous online poetry community
- my Facebukake and Twatter network
- members of 'small penis support' groups

The main drivers behind telling the world my dick is small were
- needing to be an honest artist
- realising I know guys with average dicks that suffer the same anxiety
- needing to stop the negative obsession with it
- realising that hating myself prevents me from wholly encompassing my wife's love

The latter was a bit of a shocker. We've been through some tough times and our love for each other is proven to be deep rooted and exceptionally strong. But I'd set a barrier around the parts of me that I hated. A barrier I wouldn't let anything cross. It made me a different person when I was alone, a secretive person. And that part of me would have eventually destroyed the only beautiful thing I've ever known, my life with my wife.

So I wrote this damned poem and showed it to her first. What surprised me most was her feeling of responsibility or culpability - which in reality she didn't have. But I think now she understands that saying size isn't important or that it's no different to her other (past) lovers doesn't help. That in fact embracing the reality is what I need(ed). Far from damaging me, telling me an ex had a large penis but she STILL prefers me and my love making, is way more affirming than pretending she hasn't known a size difference. Acknowledging I'm small and she wants me nonetheless destroys the basis for insecurity. We even enjoy small dick references on Facebukake now!

As for friends, they were utterly supportive and ultimately that lead to me daring to perform the piece. But not before I first leaked it out. I couldn't trust myself to be able to perform it cold. I knew I had to air it - a selective truth is no truth at all. If I didn't perform it then all of my prior work, and my integrity, would come under question.

The online poetry community affirmed it was a valid performance poem. I mean the humour came across without masking the pain of it, and the message. I know that from some of the statements of empathy, it was actually doing it's intended job of bringing laughter through release. An inclusive, not a mean spirited, laughter.

I was somewhat euphoric that I was conquering a real demon. But this issue was (is?) a demon for me and the potential reception amongst my peers was only somewhat short of terrifying. Thus the terrible need to leak this truth first. Drunk and wired I progressively forced the link onto less well known acquaintances through Facebukake.

Many of them ignored it (I gave it quite a challenging title), or vaguely promised to read later - which was frustrating. But looking back now on the online forums I can see the piece attracts many more reads than comments than is usual. I think two things are happening
- it's too painful to acknowledge for many in a similar position
- others are undoubtedly laughing behind my back.

In the first case, fine. I really do understand that.

In the second case, so fuck? It's a pretty low thing to laugh at a guy about and that makes them low people. So I don't need to care what they think.

Don't get me wrong, I think the idea of a small penis is inherently funny - only so long as we laugh together.

The first performance was simply insane. I could feel myself blushing at the thought of it on the tube travelling over. When it came time in the set I paused and asked myself 'really?'  Then I launched into it as though I was a 70s punk rock band, blurting the words out like bullets. I must have appeared like your archetypical guy angry at the world for having a small penis (maybe I am).

I recognised the fault immediately and the ever insightful Carl Chamberlain said the same thing.

The second performance I got it right. It worked beautifully and afterwards there was no real awkwardness. A couple of funny pointed references to small cocks, but again in an honest and liberating way. There really is no reason behind those decades of shame.

Finally, I posted the poem in some small cock support groups. I was getting comfortable with this truth, but I didn't want to at the expense of others. I had no real idea what another small dicked guy may feel about it.

A deep and detailed conversation followed and I came to realise the poem was confused in places.

It turns out, despite not being catholic, much of my attitudes to sexual matters are confused by shame. Parts of this poem were saying 'come on then, laugh AT me' - which simply wasn't the point (maybe another poem in that). Also in performance, ironically, it was just too long.

So on that basis I lopped a quarter of it off. I'm yet to perform the new (third) version but I hope it is now unquestionable brilliance, strong enough to withstand the inevitable backlash it's bound to make me feel one night in some London pub. What do you think?

Shorty v3

I have a tiny cock
Like a crooked little finger
Everybody else's dicks
Are inevitably bigger
If six inch as an average
Can truly be believed
Someone here in this room
Is twice the size of me
If you can do your algebra
Already you will know
Four inches is the maximum
My dick will ever go
For the engineers among you
I'll express my ratio
My little one inch wonder
Up to four times it can grow

He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!
Yes
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!

My pubes are even longer
They make a comfy nest
With a little acorn sat
Upon the very crest
Rummage in my fly and
Wish that I were blessed
Searching frantically
I recover just the head
Get a little piss drip
Up on my finger tip
There's absolutely nothing there
For me to get a grip
If I sit to pee I must
Be wary of my jet
The angle of my dangle means
My trousers may get wet

He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!
Yes
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!

I wank it with one finger
If you really want to know
And no I can't imagine
The feeling of deep throat
When I look down I can still
Clearly see my toes
But my little willy hides
Beneath my belly folds
Sometimes it is inverted
Even when it isn't cold
Like a little turtle
Inside of me it goes
Girls they like to tell me
It' such a cute surprise
Until I have to tell them I
Left the condom stuck inside

He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!
Yes
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!

I'm hung like Mickey Mouse
I'm glad now to admit
For the greater pain exists
In propagating myths
According to the internet
Real men have massive dicks
And you are next to useless
If you're 'only' average
So if you're sat with five or six then
Feel the relief
You no longer have to hide it
In shame and misery
For I'm the living proof you've got
Way more than you need
For even with four inches
My, girl's in love with me

He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!
Yes
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!

Hi, I'm Ant Smith and I have a small penis

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